Minnie the Pig

Once upon a time, there was a highly-appraised scholar living in a peaceful hobbit village. In this story, the hobbit goes by the name… Bobby. He had a great passion for ancient, old scripts that could be found in the most peculiar places, like in shattered pitchers or nasty creatures pocketses. The lasses sighed dreamily when he rode past on his pony, heading for another scholarly adventure. When he came back, his hat tip was broken and he looked battered (be blamed the branches for that), but his backpack was bursting with old paper scraps he had “found” on his travels. As a result, Bobby had an outstanding collection of fine relics, documents, letters and berry pie recipes in his study. Except for his travels, his life was pleasant and uneventful, with no big troubles at home…
…until a pig farmer moved into his village.

This pig farmer was a very nice lady; let’s call her Pippa. Pippa had only one pig, Minnie, which she kept for breeding piglets. Pippa believed that all happy pigs are free-roaming pigs, so she didn’t confine Minnie to a pigsty. For Minnie, the whole universe was a pigsty. Or at least the neighbourhood.

One fine morning, Master Bobby stepped out from his burrow. The weather was nice, so he decided to study his scrolls outside at his garden table while enjoying some breakfast. Bobby spread his ancient parchments carefully onto the table, as they were quite fragile.
“Now all I need is a second cup of coffee and a blueberry muffin,” he said and returned back inside, humming a tune. But when he returned with his mug and muffin, he faced a terrible sight: a striped, plump pig was nibbling his precious parchments!
“Stop right there!” he yelled and darted towards the pig. “Away from my yard!”
The startled pig didn’t dawdle: it jumped right over the table, kicking it down, running away with a scroll in its mouth. The poor scholar had to dodge the table and tumbled to the ground. The coffee was all over his trousers and the muffin had landed on the face of his garden dwarf.
“I will have a few words with that pig farmer lady!” the scholar muttered and straightened his hat tip.

So he went to Miss Pippa and knocked on her door.
“I am sorry, Master Bobby, but I really cannot confine Minnie to any place”, Miss Pippa sighed. “Free roaming pigs produce the best piglets, according to the studies.”
“Studies! Ha! Your free roaming pork creature is compromising MY studies!” Master Bobby grumbled.
“I am sorry, Master Bobby,” Pippa shrugged. “Minnie just loves crusty old papers, ‘s all.”
A loud rumble came from inside Pippa’s burrow. Miss Pippa turned and shouted: “Oh Nimsy! Don’t you try to hide those dirty dishes under an ore pile...” And Miss Pippa went back in to check her niece, leaving the grumpy neighbour on her doorstep. Master Bobby snorted and walked away, steam streaming out from the holes of his hat.
“I just need to keep my precious papers inside my burrow. Keep them secret, keep them safe… from pigs!”
But pigs are intelligent animals, and aspiring too. Minnie couldn’t forget the lovely taste of those crusty scrolls…

In addition to studying, Master Bobby also loved the social life. He was a common sight at parties, burrow crawls, inn nights, you name it. After a long night of some casual festivities, he returned home… just to find his burrow door wide open and scraps of paper lying all over on the ground. Were those hoof marks? Furious, Master Bobby dashed into his study and found the pig, napping peacefully in his napp—studying chair. The study was a total mess… the shelves were emptied from scrolls, relics were lying here and there… Fast as lightning, the angry scholar chased the pig out from his burrow. Outside, he scolded the garden dwarf.
“You should have guarded the door!” Master Bobby grumbled. The garden dwarf hiccupped and tried to look innocent.
“Did the pig bribe you with brandy…? Eating ancient scrolls has made it very wise indeed!” Master Bobby sighed.

With Nimsy’s help, Master Bobby dug a deep hole where he could bury his precious scrolls in a sturdy chest. Still, he was a bit suspicious about this solution, and he decided to carry the most precious and tastiest scrolls along with him.
“I bet that pig can smell the scrolls with its devilish snout wherever they are”, Bobby concluded. “I just have to guard them myself then.”
And so he did.

As the pig had eaten most of Master Bobby’s collection, he had to make another scholarly trip out of bounds. This time, the road took him all the way to Breeland, to the infamous Midgewater Marshes. There were some old ruins in the middle of the marshes, probably a gold mine of old texts and relics. He had to be careful though – the ground was treacherous and soggy, and there were many places to get stuck if you didn’t pay attention. Soon, Master Bobby reached the ruins and started to inspect them, searching for any interesting items.

After many hours, he had found some interesting scraps of paper and stuffed them into his backpack. But he had been too long at them ruins, and it was getting dark… So when he started to walk back through the marshes, he didn’t see a watery hole and walked right into it… He was properly stuck, and with every movement he made, he seemed to sink deeper into the soggy ground.
“This will be the end of me… and my scrolls!” Master Bobby wailed. “The gnats will eat me for a midnight breakfast.”
Then, he heard some strange and scary noises from the distance. Something was approaching him in the mist! Thinking of all possible monsters from old gammers’ tales, Bobby trembled like a leaf of an ancient text, waiting for the creature to appear in front of him…

Then he saw it: Minnie, trotting confidently towards him and looking happy as ever. For the first time, Bobby was happy to see the pig.
“You followed me here?” Bobby asked, feeling baffled. The pig didn’t reply, but it sniffed loudly and looked hungrily at Bobby’s backpack.
“You are after them scrolls, eh?” Bobby said. “Quite a sniffer!”
But Bobby didn’t feel angry at the pig, given the circumstances.
“Could you pull me… along with them scrolls… and get me free?” he asked politely. Minnie oinked affirmatively and gripped Bobby’s backpack, pulling him out without trouble. Bobby thanked her with one of his minor scrolls, and the pig led him safely out from the marshes.

After the incident, Bobby and Minnie did get along much better. Actually, Bobby took Minnie along with him to his trips, making many of his female admirers jealous. Minnie could easily locate any hidden scrolls for Bobby… he just had to let her taste the edges first, as a part of the deal. Anyway, shortly afterwards, Master Bobby published his first scientific paper: “How to Define the Age of Scrolls with the Help of Swine Taste Buds”.

And they lived happily ever after.
The end.

((This story has been inspired by some in-game events in our village, Songburrow.))