Tuesday 3 September 2019

A Hobbit in Lonelands

The Lone Lands is the dullest place I've seen
It has the poorest scenery
They have no green fields nor lovely party trees
Lone Lands is a place to avoid

Forsaken inn serves the thickest swill
It will make your face turn dark green
Their food makes even goblins ill
And it's price is unbearable

I am desperate, I am feeling desperate
I'm a hobbit in the Lone Lands
I am desperate, I am feeling desperate
I'm a hobbit in the Lone Lands

The land is filled with unfriendly orcs
They don't even say "Good day!"
Their wargs have fangs like Lobelia's
Maggot's dogs would surely run away

I am desperate, I am feeling desperate
I'm a hobbit in the Lone Lands
I am desperate, I am feeling desperate
I'm a hobbit in the Lone Lands

If you look for modesty, culture and variety
Lone Lands is not the right place for you
Weathertop sings chilly songs, ogres moan in foreign tongues
Nothing that would make a hobbit smile

The architecture's unrecognizable
It's just some neglected ruins
Some have spiders big as Greenfield sheep
And wights who don't know they're dead

Should you search for a place to stay
Keep away from the Lone Lands
It is something you will never miss
Lone Lands is a place to avoid
Lone Lands is a place to avoid
(Unless you're an orc, then never mind)


About the song

I wrote this one for the Grand Journey Home, a long walk we hobbits did from the Shire to Enedwaith, to visit our distant cousins. I performed this song when we stopped at the Forsaken Inn in the Lonelands. It is best sung to a tune by Master Sting:

Sting - Englishman in New York

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