The Grumpy Hobbit Goes Yellow

(The grumpy pictured above is not related to this story, despite the many similarities.)

I know a story about Staddle. The hobbits who live here are much like the ones who live in the Shire. There are wild tweens, lazy burrowers and of course, grumpy hobbits. This is a story about a grumpy hobbit who lived here.

There was this grumpy old hobbit lad. You never spotted him in a good mood. He just went around, complaining about everything. He was annoyed by most of the things, especially loud, lively, cheerful things. They gave him a headache. Also things like bright colours annoyed him. That’s why he always dressed up grey.

Needless to say, the fellow was a bit lonely too. It’s hard to get friends if yer grumpy all the time. Whenever he was out, the others tried to avoid him and never talked to him much. It bothered him a bit and just made him even grumpier. But one day, one single mishap changed things for him.

The grumpy hobbit didn’t have a wife to help him with the daily chores at his burrow, but the friendly neighbour helped him with some, like doing the laundry. This lady was very good and diligent with the laundry… except for one time.

This time, when the grumpy hobbit returned to get his washed clothes back, the lady was blushing.
“I am sorry, sir, but I think one of my youngsters had put a pot of honey among yer laundry,” she said.
The grumpy hobbit looked at his clothes, all bright yellow now. “Goodness!” he exclaimed. Them were all his best clothes, all now disgustingly bright yellow.

For the next week or so, the grumpy hobbit just hid inside his burrow, ashamed and angry. Then he run out of food, and was forced to go out to the marketplace. In his bright yellow shirt. He was almost unrecognisable!
“I look like a fool”, he thought. “Everyone will just laugh at me now.”
But they didn’t. To his surprise, everyone was suddenly smiling at him and talking to him merrily.
“What on Middle-earth is going on…” he thought, when a vendor had reverse-haggled the price of the taters she had sold to him.
He never had experienced friendliness like this. “Could it be the yellow colour of my shirt?” he pondered. Maybe wearing a merry colour didn’t hurt after all.
And more was to come. When he was inspecting the cauliflower offerings, a tall lass from Bree-town walked to him. She started a nice conversation with him about the harvest and such. She was a bit tall and even a bit burly, but there was something in her eyes that made the hobbit lad’s heart beat faster. And that dark voice of hers... It was like there was some magic in the air…
When the hobbit returned home, he thought about all what had happened.
“The yellow colour really pays off,” he concluded. “I will wear it next time as well!”
And so he did. Each time afterwards, he received friendly service from the market vendors. And each time, the tall lass was waiting for him with a smile on her face.

Then, one time, things went further… The lass asked if the hobbit would like to join her at a private picnic! The hobbit blushed, but couldn’t say no… It was a new situation for him. Feeling merry, gettin’ some attention from a lass… Anyway, it would just be a harmless picnic. They took some food and drink from the market and headed to a nearby hill, where there was a secret picnic spot. The hobbit enjoyed the food and drink, but the lass just looked at him dreamily. The hobbit started to feel a bit anxious. He didn’t know how to act in these situations… He just knew how to be grumpy, that’s all.

Now, the lass was moving closer and closer to him.
“You know,” she said with her dark voice. “I really do love that shirt of yours, it really suits you.”
The hobbit gulped and looked at the lass. She was drooling.
Suddenly, the hobbit realised that her feet were more hairy than usual. The whole lass was a bit hairy… And she was suddenly growing a lot burlier… Very much like….

A bear! With horror, the hobbit realised that the lass he had met had turned into a huge beast that drooled at him! Only now he realised that this bear-woman had only taken interest at the honey-scented shirt he had on! He didn’t want to know if she was interested in his dear body parts as well... So he jumped up and ran away as hard as he could. He ran down the road and saw a tall tree there, in the middle of the road. He climbed up and sat there… Some say that he threw his shirt to the beast and was left in peace after that. But according to a legend he never got down from the tree…. And now, the tree is always yellow, throughout the year. And for some reason, the tree is often surrounded by bears.

True story, I tell yer.
The end.