If you have visited our kin hall in Songburrow, you might have met our four-legged friend. No, I am not talking about the pig that has invaded the study. I am talking about George the Dormouse. He rarely goes outside the house. He rarely goes on adventures. But when he does, it is well worth a story! Now, let me tell about the time when George visited the Green Dragon.
George really loved his home grounds. There was never a shortage of food, and no other dormouses that would come to nibble his cheese. The house cat was as lazy as a bounder after a thorough inn-spection. The pig at the study was only interested in eating the precious scrolls and Yule decorations, so George had all the crumbs and leftovers for himself.
But this one autumn, things changed. Suddenly, the hobbits of the house didn’t leave any crumbs nor food behind. They locked all their larders so tightly that George had no chance to get through. He didn’t want to nibble his way through the heavy wooden door. Wood chips always gave him stomach ache. Things started to look really grim for George. He had to go outside the house.
In the yard, he saw a hedgehog with a pierate hat.
“Hullo there!” George greeted the hedgehog warily. “Yer know where all the food has gone to?”
The pierate hedgehog saluted George and grumbled: “Arrr, ‘tis time o’ the year again. The Mayor be havin' his feast festival at Hobbiton-Piewater!”
“Oh, wh-what’s that?” George asked.
“All the Shire sends thar foods to the Mayor, so he can have his feast! Or them hide thar grub, if they be savvy.”
“Dear me!” George squeaked. “How long will this… feast last?”
“Oh 'twill last fer a month at least, then thar be the encore comin'”, the Hedgehog grunted.
“But… but… I need to eat as well!” George moaned.
The Hedgehog peered at George thoughtfully. “Thar be a solution, if ye be brave enough”, he said.
“What’s that?” George asked warily.
“We be sailin’ to Piewater!” the Hedgehog proclaimed, seized George by the paw and pulled him towards an adventure….
After a rather eventful sailing trip through the half of the Shire, George and the pierate Hedgehog arrived at Bywater.
“There are no pies in this Piewater”, George complained. Even though he had been seasick (without being at sea, of course) during the sailing, he was awfully hungry.
“Don't blame me, I didn' name that bloody pond”, the Hedgehog shrugged. “Now, let's see if we can find some grub to loot.”
They approached the market place. To put it mildly, it was a chaos. The square was full of people, all stomping around furiously. Rotten veggies were flying through the air towards a bounder. And in the middle was a long table, with lovely foods… and the Mayor.
“Thar be the treasure we seek”, the Hedgehog said.
“Are you serious! We can’t survive through this mob, we will be squashed!” George hissed.
“Arrr, mayhaps ye be rite. We needs to rethink our strategy”, the Hedgehog said, pondered a little and then smiled. “The barkeep keeps some o' the grub stocked in his cellar. We could eat thar in all peace. Thar be hardtack, cheese, pies…”
But George was already scurrying towards the inn door, eager to eat the cheese without being squashed like a rotten apple.
As the Hedgehog had said, there was plenty of food in the cellar. George ate all he could without bursting. Meanwhile, the Hedgehog was busy transferring the loot to their pierate ship. But they were not alone… for someone was looking at them from the dark corner of the cellar…
Suddenly, the figure cleared his throat. And then hiccuped. Startled, George flew up to the ceiling.
But the Hedgehog smiled widely.
“Arrr! Don't worry, George, 'tis me ole mate, the Garden Dwarf!”
The Garden Dwarf wobbled out from the shadows, still hiccuping every now and then. George calmed down a bit. He knew that garden dwarves were no trouble. But he had never spent much time in gardens though… so little did he know.
“Long time no see!” the Garden Dwarf said and hugged the Hedgehog (the spikes did no harm to this wooden fellow).
“This calls *hiccup* for a pint! Or two! Come, I’ll show you the way to the tap!” the Dwarf said and ushered the two out from the cellar, towards the common room upstairs.
George was a bit wary still, but he had his belly full and he felt quite happy about it. One pint wouldn’t hurt, wouldn’t it? Well, little did he know, for he was just a little dormouse, because one pint means at least eleven pints.
The evening was in full swing at the Dragon. There was dancing, music, and some occasional grumbling from one of the rearmost tables. It was very much like a usual night at the Dragon. Toasts were raised, mugs where thrown… But every time a mug fell on the floor, it didn’t stay there long. All the fallen mugs seem to roll to one corner… If you looked closer, might have seen a garden dwarf, a seaworthy Hedgehog and a dormouse, all sipping from the ale mugs. George liked the ale a lot: it made him feel brave.
“Now that I am here, why not take a look around?” he thought.
So he went around, sniffing and peeping. The ale had made his sight a bit blurry, but he didn’t mind that. It was his nose that he trusted the most. And his nose smelled some good old cheese…
And there he saw it: a cheese, size of a house of a mouse! He could not believe his blurry eyes. Well, he did believe his nose.
“I have to get a bite of that!” he thought, scurrying closer.
George reached the edge of the rather flat cheese and digged in! And as he bit the cheese, he knew he had done a huge mistake. It was not a cheese, even though it smelled horribly like one…
It was…
The old rug! George started to cough and spit, trying to get the foul taste out from his mouth, but that was a huge mistake too, because now, the hobbits saw him. Everyone started to scream, jump up, trying to get away from the pesky dormouse.
George was horrified. It darted out from the closest hole in the wall that was there because of a recent fireworks incident. And needless to say, George never came back to the Green Dragon.
But the Hedgehog still visited the place quite often. It brought foods and ale to George as well, and shared the tales and gossip it had heard at the inn.
“Ye should visit the inn again!” the Hedgehog said.
“Naw, I like them treats, ales and stories better here at home”, George said. “I am not brave as you are.”
But the hedgehog shook his head. “Nonsense! Yer the one that made them all jump up in the air!”
“And ye know what?” the Hedgehog smiled. “After that incident, them made up a bouncing dance! Them still jumping up for you!”
And that did make George smile too.
The End.
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