Monday, 9 September 2019

Cleaning tips for Yule

Here is an article that was originally published in the Hobbity Yule Calendar 2017.

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Yule is getting close now, so it's high time you start to clean up your burrow! Here are some tips how to make Yule cleaning easy. They have been gathered from some wise Shire hobbits.


1. Bring the dirty dishes to Winterhome

Are you sick of dishwashing? Then you probably could try out this old tradition that will make your cleaning a lot easier: bring the dirty dishes to Winterhome. At Yuletide, dishwashers from all Middle-earth gather there to clean up the filth and dirty dishes. No one will notice a few more piles of dirty dishes there. Throwing your dishes to the closest pond is not recommended, as this is not good for the environment. Leave the ponds for the weeds and old shoes, please.

2. Put all your extra stuff into one big pile

If you have lots of stuff in your burrow and you want to make the place look neat in a heartbeat, just put everything into one big pile. Feel free to decorate the pile by hanging paintings or curtains on it. This makes cleaning a lot easier and faster, and you won’t tip over anything that has been left on the floor. If someone wonders about the pile, you can tell them that you are hiding their Yule gifts in the pile. No one will suspect anything.

Exemplary cleaning in a Bramblebury home

3. Drive unwanted guests away with crazy decoration

If you are not into cleaning at all but don’t want to let others know that your burrow is a mess, you can always drive others away with crazy yard decoration. The furniture vendors are selling all kinds of weird stuff these days. Put a giant bowling ball in front of the door, or maybe a haunted Yule tree. No one will bother you.

An ominous festive bowling ball

 Scary Yule decoration at a yard

4. Get a pig that will eat the Yule decorations

Do you want to get rid of your Yule decoration easily? Let a pig do it for you! Pigs are omnivores: that’s a fancy word for creatures that can eat virtually anything they think is edible. Be it mistletoe, garlands, or Yule stockings, it’s all just a great feast for the oinkers. If you don’t want to take a pig of your own, there is one at the Songburrow Hall that you could borrow. For as long as you like. Like forever. Please, help us, it is eating our mathoms and Potty’s napping chair!

An oinker drooling at the Yule decoration

5. Skip the whole cleaning and go for a holiday trip instead

If you are not home at Yule, why clean it up? Go to a nice holiday location instead. Winterhome is a beloved attraction during Yuletide, and it has some good accommodation and activities to offer. Snowball fights, snowmen, theatre, eating contests… That place is free of all stress. And when you book a room there, remember to give Lobelia’s details when they ask for the billing address. If they ask who you are, just say that you are Miss/Master Underhill. That's what they all do. 

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