Turtle Soup

Once again, it's Saturday
We gather for a pork feast
Soon, the food has disappeared
There's nothing more to eat
Oh no, what now?

No need to moan and grumble though
'Cause it's an adventure day!
Let's go for a turtle hunt
Down in a smelly cave

So we take our spears, straighten our hat tips
Sharpen all pie slicers that we can find
Then, we saddle up

CHORUS:
Soon, we will get some turtle soup
From the cave called Filikul
Brewed from a giant brute

Now, let us get some turtle soup
It is soothing and quite smooth
It will brighten up your mood

Then, at last, we reach the cave
The Shirriff bangs the drums
There's a little hobbit storm
Dashing through the darkness
Stand back, cave rats!

There it comes: a tricksy gate
That works in the strangest ways
Some of us might get stuck outside
And miss the merry chase

So we start to count, both up and down
Even the gate knows not what goes on
Then we all dash out!

Now, we will get some turtle soup
From this cave called Filikul
Brewed from a giant brute

Soon, we are sipping turtle soup
It is soothing and quite smooth
It has brightened up our mood

Now, got a turtle in my yard
And a stinky head on my wall
And full stomach, above all

Yay, we did get some turtle soup
From this cave called Filikul
Brewed from a giant brute

About the song

On Saturdays, us hobbits might feel slightly adventurous, and then we team up for a small adventure. Sometimes we visit a nasty, wet cave, hoping that we might get some turtle soup from there. Here is a song that describes that adventure. Hum along, best to the tune by Master Jarre, Fourth Rendez-Vous.

Jean-Michel Jarre - Fourth Rendez-Vous

Stay in the Sun

Trollsjaws ain't fun
'Cause there are trolls!
But light turns them to stone so,
Just stay in the sun!

If you see one
Just go and run!
But light turns them to stone so,
Just stay in the sun!

Dear Master Gandalf knows,
He faced many trolls
And in his wisdom
He turned them into stone

Trolls are stupid,
Or so I have heard
And light turns them to stone so,
Just stay in the sun!

Light turns trolls to stone so,
Just stay in the sun!

Trolls may eat many things,
They might eat you as well
And they may throw some stones
And squash you too, in the end
Oh well

Trolls are dreadful
So keep this in mind:
Sunlight turns them to stone so,
Just stay in the sun!

About the song

This is another song I wrote for the Grand Journey Home trip we hobbits did. I played this when we stopped by Master Bilbo's trolls. It is best sung to the Beatles tune, I Follow the Sun.

The Beatles – I Follow the Sun

Out of Bounds

I'm walking along a stream
Looking into the water
Does it flow to places that I've not seen?
Where has it been?

There's a shine on the horizon
The sun is rising up
I wonder where has it been
And where does it go
Oh, when shadows grow

Out of bounds
The world's full of wonder
Out of bounds
That's where I long to be
How can I stay if there's much to see
Much to discover too
Out of bounds

I feel strange wind in my hair
It whispers into my ear
What stories has it heard?
It has travelled the world

There's a road leading to the world
It doesn't promise a word
And nobody ever knows where it goes
And where does it start
It just leads into the dark

Out of bounds
The world's full of wonder
Out of bounds
That's where I long to be
How can I stay if there's much to see
Much to discover too
Out of bounds

About the song

Hobbits like the peace of the Shire, but some of them might be curious what would wait for them out of bounds... Here is a tune for them. Best sung to a song by Art Garfunkel, Bright Eyes.

 

Art Garfunkel – Bright Eyes

He's Always a Boffin to Me

He can be a bit crazy, a hobbit gone mad
He is going away, which makes me feel sad
He has no grand weapons, no blades made of steel
He's lost all his wits but he's always a Boffin to me

He will make you run errands, fetch a thing or two
And when you get back, there is still more to do
He makes you to run 'til you tire out your feet
He's bit of a menace but he's always a Boffin to me

Ooh, he has made up his mind
He will travel so far
Soon he's out of my sight
Ooh, but he never gives up
And he never gives in
He will keep his own mind

And he'll ask you to swim in the brown Brandywine
He'll make you bash toads and get covered in slime
He will make you face bats and nasty old trees
Say what you will, but he's always a Boffin to me

Ooh, my dream still persists
I will get him someday
I'll become his dear wife
Ooh, but dangers await
The road is so long
I hope he'll be fine!

It's dangerous business, going out your own door
The road can lead you to a treacherous moor
So I will guide him and let him fool me
Cause I'm a bit crazy and so is he too
And he's always a Boffin to me

About the song

I wrote this one when the Bingo Boffin questline was first inroduced in LOTRO. He is a helpless lad who seeks adventure out of bounds. Even though he is like a menace, you can't just say no to those sweet blue eyes of his... Here's a desperate love song for that lad, best sung to a tune by Billy Joel.

Billy Joel – She's Always a Woman

Grand Journey Home

First we stopped by the Old Bridge Inn
But the owner didn't let us in
We took the long way home
We took the long way home

The Bree town was quite like a maze
And so we continued with haste
We took the long way home
We took the long way home

After that we stopped by the Bree homesteads
They didn't sell biscuits
So we went on
We reached a place called the Forsaken Inn
But they served only swill
And had no roof
 
Oss Gurruff had the highest stairs
And we accidentally burned their beds
We took the long way home
We took the long way home

The Ford Bruinen was cleared of fish
When we hobbits stopped by it
We took the long way home
We took the long way home
 
The Last Homely House had the cleanest rug
And wines were fine
Such a grand inn!
Then we saw some giants with some giant feet
And went fishing too
For giant weeds...
 
The Eregion Inns were mostly ruins
And their tents too small
For us to sleep there
But our final destination was getting near
Music reached our ears 
And we ran
 
Those hobbits were almost like us
But they were fond of "turnip delights"
We took the long way home
We took the long way home

Home, home, home
Home!

About the song

This is another tune that is related to the Grand Journey Home trip we hobbits did. It summarizes what happened during the long walk to our destination, Enedwaith. It is best sung to this Supertramp tune, Take Long Way Home:

 

Roger Hodgson (Supertramp) –  Take the Long Way Home

A Thousand Pies

Once I saw a boy, such a joy
His eyes burnt so bright

But he liked adventuring
Like no hobbit never does, never does
He went away

But I need him
And I miss him
And now I wonder...

If I could bake
All those pies
Do you think he'd change his mind?
'Cause I would give him a thousand pies
If that could just bring him...
Home

Sometimes lads lose their minds
They go so wild
Oh that darn Tookish side!

Why they just can't stay
Let their hair turn gray
Resting in the lap of a pie seller girl?

And I need him
And I miss him
And now I wonder...

If I could bake
All those pies
Do you think he'd change his mind?
'Cause I would give him a thousand pies
If that could just bring him...
Home

Home, home
If I could bring him home
With pies, pies

If I could lure him
With pies, pies
Bring him back
Would it work?

Distance can strengthen love
But it makes one sore
So cold to sleep alone

That boy is a fool
Likes adventuring too
It's so, just so dangerous

But I still need him
And I still miss him
And now I wonder....

If I could bake
All those pies
Do you think he'd change his mind?
'Cause I would give him a thousand pies
If that could just bring him...

If I would bake
All those pies
I am sure he'd change his mind!
When a lad gets a thousand pies
That will bring him...
Or at least lure him...
Home

About the song

Here is one of my first tunes where pies and love are combined into a sweet mixture. It is best sung to a similar tune about Thousand Miles. Here you can see me perform the tune in me burrow.

 

Pycella Woodberry - A Thousand Pies